Over the years, I have developed quite a relationship with my alarm clock, which has traveled all over the planet with me. I am convinced that it has an actual fully developed persona, with the accompanying mood swings. It doesn't have a snooze button, which makes it a stubborn cuss, and we frequently do battle on this point, as I reset it for ten or fifteen minutes later, and it, being an old fashioned clock, goes off two minutes later. Then we'll really get into it.

Sometimes my alarm clock will sound, in my foggy, sleepy head, like a nagging old woman, standing with hands on hips in my doorway: "You want to sleep your life away? Don't come complaining to me." Sometimes it is a perky cheerleader, annoying me with her high-pitched pep: "Rise and shine, little camper! It's a glorious day! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!" I hate when my clock decides to be her. This morning, my alarm clock decided to be a surfer, and was like, "Dude, let's go. The waves are waiting, bra." I reset it for fifteen minutes later, and right on cue, the surfer started in five minutes later. "Duuuude. Dude. Dude. Dude." I grumbled and reset it again for another twenty minutes, just to make my purpose known. Ten minutes later, the surfer was losing patience. "Oh. My. God. DUDE. Let's go. Come on. I'm suited up. Come on. Come on. Come on." And I know this may be a sign of my deteriorating sanity, but I actually got really pissed at my surfer-possessed alarm clock. "Oh, for fuck's sake. Shut up, you asshole. I'm getting up already."

I've had my coffee and only now am I starting to forgive my clock, which has been nodding at me smugly and self-righteously all morning. But I know we'll go toe to toe again tomorrow.

 

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