Dangling Carrots
This entry was posted on 4/9/2006 8:55 PM and is filed under General Musings.
On a walk today, a memory came flooding back, prompting some much needed rumination...
When I was a little girl visiting my grandmother in Holland, I used to
ride my tricycle in the alley behind her house. One day, while I was
pedaling up and down the alley, my grandmother peeking over the fence
from time to time to check on me, I saw a little boy ride by on his red
tricycle with streamers at the far end of the alley. He had a really
nice bike. He stopped and looked at me for a few moments. Then he
resumed his course and disappeared from view. (“
The Shining” need not be mentioned here, friends: it has been noted).
With that, I was off, pedaling like mad after him. I turned the alley
corner just to catch sight of him turning the next corner. So I turned
that corner too, racing to catch up to him. He was always half a block
ahead, zigzagging his way through the neighborhood. I forgot all good
sense and pursued him with dogged determination. Until, suddenly, I
turned a corner, and he was gone. I cycled up the block, then back
down, looking for him. But he was gone. I was left alone on the quiet
street, as these things go. And then, with a creeping fear, I realized I was also lost. I
had no clue where I was, because I hadn’t made note of the route I’d
taken; I had simply let the boy lead me. I couldn’t find my way back. I
started to cry, and it was a good hour before my grandmother, with the
help of police, found me by driving up and down streets in the
neighborhood. My grandmother was probably scared shitless.
On reflection, I realize that my nature has not changed much. I am
prone to distraction, obsession, and a passionate curiosity. I put too
much blind trust in the judgement of others. But I have re-evaluated,
and I need to remind myself of my resolve. The importance of staying
the course has taking on greater weight, as has checking in with who I
am. I will follow my own path now. Listen up, good people of the world. When you parade your shiny bikes in front of
me, I will stop to admire, but I will not be swayed. And this time, if I join you, I'm taking notes so I can find my way back.
